Back in the US Back in the US Back in the US - S - A

Honey I'm Home!

Stepping off the plane onto the crisp snow capped tarmac of JFK airport I was hit by not only an overwhelming sense of happiness and relief that I had arrived back on american soil in one piece - but by the coldest and possibly most intense gush of wind I have ever experienced. I had arrived amidst a blizzard in Queens, not dissimilar to the conditions under which I arrived back in september, only this time the sky was not green and there were no uprooted trees or floods... just bloody freezing winds and snowflakes in my eyes that momentarily blinded me. AH! I thought - It's good to be back!

So I entered the terminal building in a haze of exhaustion and time-zone crossover disorientation and made my way to baggage reclaim, where, I am not ashamed to admit I sat - in the middle of the floor, waiting for my baggage like a typical british holiday maker on the way back from Benidorm. My flight from dublin to JFK had been cancelled when I arrived there from Manchester, so I had just endured 7 hours of sleeping on the sofa in starbucks, I was a wreck! Luggage in hand, I dragged myself to the cab-line (translation: taxi queue) and jumped straight in a cab which drove excited little me to my new digs - Stuy Town!

Stuy Town!

No I do not live in a community of people with chronic conjuntivitis - Stuyvesant town is a private post world war II housing community on 14th and Avenue A. It is very much like a London council estate in terms of its design... but its actually safe. It has its own 'peace corp' who carry batons and handcuffs... I like that there are 'emergency' button stations throughout stuy town which you can press and talk to an officer... Im not entirely sure how useful this would be in a mugging situation or some sort of attack or chase "excuse me, sorry can you just pause for a minute...I need to press the emergency alarm"

Sunny Stuy Town

Stuy town is great though, and I was so relieved to be 'home' after a hideously long journey.

Snowy Stuy Town

So Im back in the big apple, all settled in post jetlag. I have many things to discuss since arriving back.
On friday evening my friend Alexis and I went back to mine together after work in preparation for an evening in the lower east side. We tooka stroll from union square down 14th street in a bid to find some yummy food and found this incredible dumpling cafe. I sat down whilst she ordered, and as I was sitting at a large, empty table a french girl came and asked to sit down next to me, her friend soon joined. She then proceeded to yell at her boyfriend in the most horrendous yet hilarious manner, apparently he had called her 'a dog' and she was yelling about how he was a 'sad little man' and how they were going to have a proper argument when they got home. I sat there, playing 'wordmole' on my blackberry trying so hard not to say something when alexis sat down and we both sat in silence listening to the hilarity of this argument which ended up in her saying in the best sarcastic voice ive hard in a while 'oh im so sorry ive ruined your appetite asshole' - I think you had to be there, but american insults  coming from a heavily pregnant french twenty something are hilarious.

The sesame and scallion (translation: spring onions) pancake was delicious however!

So since returning, I have become ever more aware of the hilarious nature of some of american culture... a few examples being the use of advertising... Dr Zizmor, a small balding man pictured in his white coat with an assortment of different coloured pens in his top pocket and a casual stethoscope around his neck has a poster on the subway advertising the brilliance his 'amazing' chemical peels.

What a beast of a man

 There are plastic surgeons advertising how to achieve 'the new you' through their liposuction treatments... and ALSO during your train-ride you are even able to write down the 0800 number to call if you need help getting... inspired. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. There are literally ads at 4.50pm on a sunday evening for women who 'just dont like doing it anymore' - wow. Other than vulgarly publicised remedies for sexual dissatisfaction however, there are more ridiculous solutions to 'problems' we may have as humans... my favourite discovery of all was that of 'restless leg syndrome' which apparently is a treatable and serious medical condition in america... you know, if you're sitting waiting for something or just watching tv and you shake your foot, twitching it,back and forth like a twitch foot lunatic... you can get medication for it.

My favourite word of the week was in an article I read about our dear old Keira Knightely, who recently broke up with her boyfriend Rupert Friend... An american journalist stated 'Knightely and Friend dated for over 5 years, and lived together in London - unfortunately in recent months their apartment was burglarized." - burglarized. LOVE. IT. This word is almost as great as the american declaration for something being of personal interest to them 'up my alley' (ahoy sailor), how they eat scones with bacon and sausage for breakfast (people in south west england in their little tea shops with their Rodda's and their tiptree raspberry jam would be shocked and appalled if they saw such behaviour!)

But today's main blogstory my friends is about American television. I would like to discuss two shows in particular.

Bridalplasty:

What a wonderful ad campaign

Bridalplasty is the ULTIMATE reality show. Not only do the contestants compete for a dream wedding, but throughout the series, if they win a challenge they get to undergo a plastic surgery procedure. These range from the first challenge of the series on completing a jigsaw, the 10 quickest brides to do so get to grab a syringe of botox and run with said syringe to a nearby waiting doctor who injects it into their face. There are also boob jobs up for grabs, nose jobs, lypo and dentistry. Possibly one of the most horrific yet horrifically addictive shows on tv. How on earth this was commissioned I shall never know... the production meeting must have gone something like this 'We cant seriously do this can we... we cant seriously get away with this... aaaaah go on then"

Bridalplasty contestant post nosejob

Another WONDERFUL show is on the learning channel called 'weirdest addictions' on 'the learning channel' (TLC) and this week, in all seriousness, there was an episode involving two wonderful wonderful addictions.

The first was a woman who was addiction to eating sofa cushions... the yellowy/orange foam you get in sofas and armchairs... she had an addiction to eating this. NO JOKE. The psychiatrist she visits in the show turns to her at one point, and asks 'So how does it make you feel, eating cushion'. I nearly fell off my fully intact sofa cushion. The best part was the words that flashed up on the screen 'In her lifetime (lets for the sake of this story call her shauna because ive forgotten) Shauna has consumed 7 couches and 2 armchairs' YES.

Eating Cushion

Another wonderful part of the show was dedicated to a 19 year old college student who had become accustomed to wearing a giant pink and white fox costume... and had to wear it 'to feel confident'. She custom made her costumes her self, and was currently working on a green coyote for her boyfriend. She regularly attends 'furries' conventions, which apparently are for like-minded fur animal costume wearing people across america...

A Furries convention

So there are some tales from my week so far, I am back in the big city that never sleeps, preparing for what people are saying is going to be 'the snow storm of the century' on tuesday... so lets hope I will be able to make one of these:

A jolly snowman

And now I leave you with two little snaps from the last few days. Over and Out.

The View from the 116th Street Target shopping mall

A truly brilliant sign on the subway